A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. ...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:59:13 +0000

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, ...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:59:13 +0000

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a ...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:59:13 +0000

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.

"Ouch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down.

Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older ...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:59:13 +0000

An old man is lying on his deathbed with his children, grandchildren, and older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old man is in a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven! I smell your grandmother's strudel!"

"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel now."

"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after this one. Could you please go down and get me a piece?", the old man begs with what is left of his final breath.

One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.

"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious strudel?" the old man plaintively queries.

"I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral."

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:59:13 +0000

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?

So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Definition of pornography: Reading material to be held in *one* hand!

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 04:59:13 +0000

Definition of pornography: Reading material to be held in *one* hand!

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and ...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:59:13 +0000

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:59:13 +0000

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. ...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 16:59:13 +0000

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."

Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, ...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 12:59:13 +0000

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks: "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him."

The pretty young blonde thinks: "I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him."

The Frenchman thinks: "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me."

The Englishman thinks: "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French twat again."